lost and found

i'm in the thick of a week-long visit to my mom's house, during which i made two, er, surprising discoveries: the first, my inaugural dissertation wrinkle; the second, an old love note i had written to a particularly nasty old boyfriend tucked inside the liner notes of a CD i haven't listened to for years. now the boyfriend wasn't revealed to be nasty until well after i'd written this note, and thus reading it in the cold light of day, completely free of all delusions, gave it a certain poignancy. i don't think i've seen my face (really *seen my face) in the cold light of day for awhile either -- mostly due to the ridiculously flattering lighting in my bathroom -- and thus the wrinkle hurt more than i expected it to.

fortified by some strong tea & an evening spent watching preston sturges movies with mom (all while slathered in the best anti-wrinkle treatment my student budget can afford) i'm feeling a little less shaky. i can't help thinking, though, that sometimes, for me, it takes finding something to fully realize how much i've lost.