start spreading the news

lately, i've been overwhelmed by the idea of running away. i haven't been doing much actual running at all lately (my once semi-respectable 8 minute mile has crept up into the double digits -- the horror, the horror!) and thus, my desire to flee doesn't in any way surprise me. it has been a rough and tumble semester and when i'm feeling the weight of it all the thought of jumping in the car, filling up the tank and taking off so as to put some physical distance between myself and my giant ball of stress trips through my brain like a cheerfully tap-dancing fred astaire.

i became aware at a very young age that i would never really be successful at running away. one spring day, i made it as far as the end of my mother's long, gravel drive, and as i clutched my bundle of prized possessions, i was overcome with a fear of what would happen to me when i crossed over the sidewalk on to the road proper. suddenly, what moments before had been a fantasy of freedom became a possibility far more frightening than whatever it was that had made me gather up my pink stuffed bunny, my prized tiny pony and my collection of scented markers in a blue blanket embroidered with colourful farm scenes, the underside of which was red, white and blue checked. i sheepishly made my way back up the drive to the back door that my mother had suggestively (and wisely) propped open.

in the years following that spring afternoon, i have discovered the freedom that comes from traveling: spending a few days "anywhere but here" gives me that fresh perspective, that sense of a new start that i used to think was only found in leaving behind the familiar forever. in three weeks, after i've submitted my students' final grades, handed in the woefully-delayed draft of my current dissertation chapter, and drafted the outline of my next, i'm making like a crazy woman and hopping on a train to visit L&S in new york city. as i sit amid the piles of paper that are currently, metaphorically, blocking out the newly-arrived sun, i'm listening repeatedly to sinead o'connor's recording of "i guess the lord must be in new york city". the lyrics have a resonance that i find comforting, like that warm, cozy feeling one experiences sitting in an idling car.

I say goodbye to all my sorrows
And by tomorrow I'll be on my way
I guess the Lord must be in New York City

I'm so tired of getting nowhere
Seeing my prayers going unanswered
I guess the Lord must be in New York City

Well here I am, Lord
Knocking on your back door
Ain't it wonderful to be
Where I've always wanted to be
For the first time I'll be free in New York City

I say goodbye to all my sorrows
And by tomorrow I'll be on my way
I guess the Lord must in New York City

I'm so tired of getting nowhere
Seeing my prayers going unanswered
I guess the Lord must be in New York City

Well here I am, Lord
Knocking on your back door
Ain't it wonderful to be
Where I've always wanted to be
For the first time I'll be free in New York City